"You no call me long time"

I was with this Chinese hooker a few times in the past (anyone say wishy washy?) and haven't really been with her in a few months. I was feeling frisky tonight so I gave her a call and that is what she told me.

Alright, that's not really true, but that would probably be an interesting story if it were.

I didn't think I ordered that much Chinese food delivery, but after tonight, I realize that I must order too often.

Now, everyone in the house always orders from the same place. When I called up to place an order, they first ask for your address. When I told her my address she said "You no call me long time." Yep, that's exactly what she said, word for word. Then she proceeded to finish my order for me--I'd start saying what I wanted then she would say the rest, as in "you want extra iced tea too?"

Ok, so I order too much. However that's not the end of it. About a half hour later, I hear a car horn outside and assume (rightfully) that it is the food. As I get to the door, the delivery guy is walking up the driveway and I can see the big smile on his face. He gets to the door and says "You good customer. I like deliver here." Now, I will admit that I tip fairly well when he delivers (because everyone knows you need a good rapport with your Chinese delivery men) but for him to know me that well is kind of weird.

To be honest, I cannot remember the last time I ordered food from this restaurant (I know I did in December when studying for finals, but can't remember after that).

Maybe I should put a cot in my house, similar to what Adam Sandler did in Big Daddy...